tbh i looked up that song in m’s skype status its the beer by kimya dawson. and honestly it it really is about active alcholism i think. like. man. it just kinda takes me back to the brief period in my life where i was drinking like….. every single day which is really similar to what L was doing over the spring actually, like in that its not that i was gettin PLASTERED EVERY DAY (though some days yeah actually) but i was drinking like. a little bit every single day. just to kill my nerves a little. and it actually didn’t last that long. and i feel really bad for these similarities somehow as if it’s my fault L developed a drinking problem earlier this year even though thats RIDICULOUS because i dont think ive ever told anyone from the crew about my past booze difficulties, and we aren’t even *actually* genetically related but
anyway gettin kicked out of that house is the best thing to ever happen to me honestly i think. i was well on my way to developing like a really serious drinking problem and even if i almost killed myself after like. i’m alright now and that might not be the case if not for the fact that i never used substances when i was homeless, and became homeless.
i really dodged a fuckin bullet honestly
im listening to this AA related podcast and on one hand its like lowkey my happy place because everyones really upfront about the shitty things they did in the past and honest about the effects of growing up in an alcoholic home and
yea its nice but maybe i oughta distance myself from it a little bit im not sure i like these thoughts in fact im like positive i don’t part of me wants to be honest about shitty stuff that happened to me and part of me wants to fucking bury it forever like theres not really a REASON to drudge up these memories
like the thing is that character arc is like…. way up and resolved so like no need to talk about it and take me back to old bad places EXCEPT for the sexual trauma stuff the sexual trauma stuff is maybe something i would benefit from talking about with someone who’ll listen but idk