honestly its incredibly messed up how american culture is as age segregated as it is like how did we get the idea that teenagers should only interact with other teenagers, college students should only interact with other college students, and 20somethings should only interact w other 20somethings like i understand a lot about society that i didnt used to and i still dont understand why anyone thinks its a good idea for 13 year olds to socially interact exclusively with each other i dont know like i could probably count the number of capital P peers ive ever had on one hand…. like theres yell and then theres pat from when i was 14, other than that pretty much all of my Peers have been like pretty scary people tbh?? like this cultural expectation makes NO sense to me

like theres people who like definitely would be in much worse shape if it werent for me being around and having life experience & wisdom to pass down

today a friend of mine whos 14 went to a social environment where they felt uncomfortable, there were drugs, so i asked them, do you know anyone who can stand up to that and insist drugs not be present? and of course they didnt they are fourteen!!!! 14!!!!!! thats a toddler pretty much like middle schoolrs are Not paragons of justice im sorry

so you know what they did? they called me!!! they kept me on the phone for like two hours because it was the only way they could ensure their boundaries would be respected!!! like what would they do if i wasnt there!!! im so mad!!!! what happens to people who dont have someone like me!!!!

and L’s parents and doctors are acting like they did something bad by talking to me about the fact that they ARENT BEING FED AT SCHOOL!!!!!!! THERE ARENT LUNCHES FOR THEM!!!!! like honestly L doesnt do drugs theyre well educated on a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and they talk to someone whos earned their trust over YEARS of being a genuine actual support system, and thats an issue for these people!!!!!!! like ive done more to keep her safe than all of these people put together!!!!!! like there are people who LITERALLY STARVE HER who think theyre protecting her FROM ME!!!!!

the worst part about sexual trauma is how fucking embarassing it is

i dont want anyone to see me being embarassed over it because i dont want them to think its embarassing because its not im so proud of them but i like am very embarassed on a genuine emotional level so i just kind of have to deal with that alone

i think i cried in my sleep, a lot last night

for sure what set me off was that i was looking at colleges near where L lives so that i can see if i can fill my foreign language req anywhere nearby and so many of the nearby colleges were in a town where ive been raped So, About That